Why do i have to ruin it this time?!

I always ruin things consciously or subconsciously , mostly the good things that will happen / happened to me . My brother went to Lebanon for a year , they have a thing were they exchange students from different countries inorder to study abroad , so he was exchanged with a lebanese student , so my brother went to lebanon and that student went to the states , anyways ... my brother told me that he would love for me to go visit him in lebanon , i was excited and wanted that , he told me the places he'll take me , he came here for a summer break , then before he went there again we fought over things that he had the right to fight about i guess , but it was a couple of days before he went to Lebanon , anyways i already bought the ticket and everything , he then told me that i can't go (because of the fighting ). I don't know if the fighting happened subconsciously so that i'll fight with him and i wont ride the plane , because i do have a fear of flight , lol , yea the cool cool me , people will never believe that . Anyways , lots of things that pass me by when i did not take that trip , I've already been to lebanon like a couple of times , but it has it's magic , you can not get enough of it , the things that pass me by are , the shopping , the swimming , going to certain cities not just Beruit , the food , the clubbing, hanging out with my younger brother , walking in the city ,having fun , taking pics . Sometimes i hate the fabulos me for ruining good things that "could have been "!